The Mirror of the Guru

The Mirror of the Guru
by Jagadamba Porter

Sat Chit Ananda Guruy Ki Jay

For one who desires to know the Truth, the Guru Gita washes away the impurities of limiting desire and craving and frees one from attachment to worldly existence. (Guru Gita V 157)

Mirror of the Guru #1

This blog began taking shape after the recent mini course on Obstacles and Treasures on the Spiritual Path. Just before attending the mini course, I was preparing a presentation titled “The Ego and the Heart” for the Healing Beyond Borders 2026 Conference and reviewing the book “The Ego Is Not the Real You” by the late David R. Hawkins, MD, PhD. In his autobiography, he described transcendental experiences that resembled those of the Siddhas of our lineage. The content of his book sounded like the scriptures of our lineage. I thought it would be a valuable resource for my presentation to this audience, given their varied backgrounds.

Hawkins wrote,

“Beliefs are the determinant of what one experiences. There are no external ‘ causes’.” One discovers the secret payoffs that are obtained from unconscious secret projections. One’s underlying programs can be discovered by simply writing down one’s litany of grievances and woes and then merely turning them around into their opposites.”

But as I recalled the explanation (without going back to verify it), I thought one would name the grievance or tendency and then state its opposite to counteract it. I used that method for my homework. Then I turned in my homework for the mini course on identifying obstacles and treasures, and I indicated that my obstacle was always believing “I can’t,” and then turned it into the opposite treasure by saying “I can.” I thought that sounded positive and even a little clever. When it was my turn to have Kedarji read my homework to the class, I was surprised when he corrected that part, pointing out that both mantras – can’t and can – are expressions of duality and that I should understand that Shiva, the One Universal Experient, is the only cause and effect, and that I am Shiva. Forgetting that I am Shiva, I identified myself with the body and mind and, in doing so, contracted. As I contemplated his lesson for me, what became apparent were my attachments to praise and doership, which led me to be clever, to the anxiety that narrows my inspiration, to haste or jumping in, to moving too quickly, and to impatience. Kedarji instructed, “We identify as the body and mind. We chase love, respect, and pleasure because we believe they will fill our inner void. In reality, only the Divine Connection can do that.”

The Spider Web

After the mini course, I walked outside into the sunshine and noticed the sun glinting off a strand of a spiderweb. I kept walking, repeating my mantra, Om Namo Shivaya, and appreciating the beauty of God’s creation. Later that day, I took another walk. This time, the sun was still shining on the same area, but from a different angle. The sunshine revealed the vast, intricate, multidimensional design of the spider’s web. It struck me how that mirrored my experience of the architecture of my attachments. I began this blog by examining an attachment to a pattern of behavior. The more I contemplated the pattern, the more patterns seemed to emerge, like the emergent spider web. Without the Grace of my Sadguru Kedarji, I would not have sought a deeper understanding of my experience. As I continued to contemplate my attachments, my query shifted to questions such as “What exactly is an attachment?” How and why does it develop, and how does it dissolve? Kedarji had given us these understandings years ago, but at that time I was just beginning to learn how to contemplate and apply the lessons in my daily life. Now I wanted this deeper understanding.

The Spider

In a 2012 talk, Kedarji gave us a sequence of how attachment develops. First, we start to feel that we lack something. This lack often arises when we identify ourselves as a body. We say, for example, I am a person or I am a woman. Failing to identify as the Divine Consciousness leaves us feeling inadequate, alone, small, insignificant, and lacking. This state is called anavamala. We are left wanting and needy. Next, this leads to both a desire and a craving to fulfill the lack. Kedarji stated that this forms the basis for our experience and expression of emotion. What we perceive is colored by our lack. Our core belief about ourselves, derived from a sense of lack and the desire to fulfill it, drives our experiences and emotions. We organize our lives around ways to fulfill our limiting desires and cravings. Reaching for limiting desires and cravings is a karmic habit. It is the spider that keeps rebuilding the web. Because we want something, we expect that our behavior will produce the desired outcomes and that our lack will disappear. This expectation of outcomes is attachment. In the July 8, 2026, program, Kedarji devoted his talk to what he called Great Expectations. Expectation is a critical link in the process because unless one takes a Shaktipat Guru and surrenders to his leadership, those expectations create attachments, the cycle continues, and we are caught in the spider web.

Sabotaging Grace

In my homework, what did I desire, and what outcome did I expect? I was seeking praise in the form of what I perceived as a positive response from Kedarji. Instead of being one-pointed in my homework and focused on the task at hand, I chose to be clever and superficial. I thought I was the doer. I concealed my true identity as Shiva from myself. That sequence began with forgetting my true nature, which led to a sense of lack and a clouding of inspiration. This resulted in a need to feel accomplished and competent, a very rajasic quality. I sought to quench my desire by being clever. I was attached to my mind and my ideas. In Kedarji’s 2012 talk, he explained, “Desire can never quench desire. It can only bring more and more attachment. This is why we say attachment always brings suffering. Attachment will cause you to sabotage Grace, not interaction – but attachment.”

Mirror of the Guru #2

During the week I was contemplating my attachments, I had scheduled my move from my small, dark, cozy study to a light, airy cottage on the same property. I had waited 10 years for the cottage to become available so I could rent it. Now my well-ordered life was completely disrupted by sorting, discarding, packing, and lifting boxes. My move disrupted all my precious daily routines. My life felt chaotic. I desired structure, clarity, and predictability to regain the mistaken belief that I was in control. At first, I counteracted that by making ‘to-do’ lists and journaling what I needed to do. I was still in doer-mode, attempting to gain control. As I managed all my objects, I reflected on my desires regarding them. As I handled each object, I asked myself, does this bring me closer to God? Am I willing to let it go? The understanding arose: I am not about these objects; they do not define me as they once did. Still, I was becoming more stressed, and it was starting to take a toll. I was on an emotional roller coaster. On moving day, my body finally ‘gave out’. My lower leg cramped, and my foot went numb. I was overwhelmed. I was starting down the path of “I can’t.” I needed the emotional resilience that comes from knowing I am not the doer. The Divine Consciousness is the doer.

Going with the Flow

Early in the morning, before the movers were due to arrive, I sat in meditation and remembered that a Yogi’s first responsibility is to take full responsibility. Then the five-fold act emerged in my Consciousness. This day is of my making. I, as Shiva, manifest, sustain, dissolve, conceal, and reveal. I do that. That is my responsibility. I contemplated what I wanted for the day. What did I want to manifest and sustain? I wanted Joy. I wanted Ease. I laid that desire at Kedarji’s feet and then let it go. I remembered Kedarji’s lesson for me: Shiva is the doer, what is being done, and the outcome. As the day unfolded, the movers arrived on time. They brought a huge van but could only get a little way down the narrow, steep driveway from my studio to the cottage below. They got out of the van, looked inside the studio at the furniture they were to move, looked at each other, smiled, nodded, and started hand-carrying the furniture the short way down the hill. They moved my furniture in record time, and to top it off, I received a small refund. But more than that, there was so much Grace that day, and I was filled with gratitude and Joy.

Although Kedarji’s own Guru, Swami Muktananda Paramahamsa (referred to as Baba), is no longer in his physical form, Kedarji continues to communicate with him. During his evening program on Great Expectations, Kedarji said,

“Baba shows me things, and I tell Baba, yes, what you’ve shown me is absolutely what I want, but I understand that all this is in your hands. So, what steps should I take next? So, this is the way you take steps: You should be thinking about planning, and sometimes through Guru’s grace plans are caused to change and sometimes even at the last minute, and so this is part of going with the flow.”

Kedarji said, “…as long as there is attachment, there is the limitation of the ego. And the limitation of the ego is what conceals God from you; it is the veil that covers the Lord. It is that element that destroys the experience of your own Bliss.”

“…But if you put everything before your Guru and break your attachment to outcomes, …then you can never go wrong, no matter what happens.”

Jagadamba Porter, PhD MS MPH RN CHTP/I is a certified healing touch instructor, teaching in Hawaii and Japan. She has over 15 years of Healing Touch practice and 30 years of practice as a psychiatric mental health nurse and clinical specialist with a holistic perspective. She is the co-author of the book, “Women’s Health and Human Wholeness”, emphasizing the necessity of bringing wholeness back into the health care system. She also serves on the Board of Directors for our school