Reflections of the Self

Reflections of the Self
by Shanti Harkness

Reflections of the Self

The theme for this year’s weeklong retreat was “Reflections of the Self;” a reminder of the time-honored instruction of Kedarji and the sages of steady wisdom of our Lineage that God alone exists. Kedarji opened the retreat by asking attendees what their obstacles were in Sadhana, their daily spiritual practice.

Struggles in Sadhana

Personally, I have resisted performing many of my daily spiritual practices for quite a long time, so it’s no wonder that I’ve felt dry and empty inside. I felt anxious, tense and on edge. Despite outwardly appearing calm and composed, I felt like I was drowning. I realized that when I feel contracted and overwhelmed, that I’m not reaching for my practices; instead, I’m reaching for convenience.

But it’s not convenient in the moment to not reach for my practices, especially in the long run, as my Bhakti and strength of the Bond of Power with my Guru wanes. It’s not convenient as my mind becomes more and more restless, facing more and more attachments and aversions, more criticisms, doubt, worry, fear and anxiety. I know that these experiences are not unique to my own Sadhana, but shared by others.

Support in Our Journey Back to the Self

One after another, attendees shared similar experiences about struggling with discipline and vigilance in Sadhana to perform our daily spiritual practices as instructed.

This is a wonderful example of how our Sangham, our spiritual community, is such a great support in our journey back to the Self– a reminder that we’re all facing the same kinds of challenges and obstacles in our Sadhana, and that none of us are going through things alone.

Intention and Enthusiasm

My intention for attending this year’s weeklong retreat was to regain my footing in Sadhana and to take up my practices again with great bhakti, devotion. I knew that if my intention was pure and my self-effort was strong, that I would reignite the smoldering embers of my bhakti once again.

Kedarji reminded us that there is no outer world; that God alone exists, and to use our viveka (discernment) so that we don’t mistake what is unreal for what is real. Sharing from one of our sacred texts, Kedarji reminded us to keep meditating and that we will be uplifted and will not fall, that God is with us and never leaves us.

There is No Poverty of the Shakti – Ever

With renewed enthusiasm, I opened my heart to the Grace and Love that poured forth from the lessons given by Kedarji and the talks given by staff teachers. Attendees found themselves laughing, crying, and having incredible breakthroughs over the course of the week. As Kedarji shared, “There is no poverty of the Shakti, ever.”

Kedarji reminds us that, if there is no outer world (which there is not), then we have to conclude that God alone exists. He tells us that the moment we sway from this understanding, we contract. Our spiritual practices are meant to reveal this fact to us.

The Power of the Practices

Throughout the week, numerous attendees made comments about the difference engaging in our spiritual practices makes. One shared that there wasn’t a single time in the past 20 years that she’s engaged in her spiritual practices where she felt worse afterwards, and that when you have Grace, you have everything.

Another shared that every time she engages in her spiritual practices, she always feels better, not worse, and reminds herself of Kedarji’s instruction to see this world as a play rather than a prison. Another shared that her Sadhana is like the two wings of a bird (one wing being the Guru’s Grace, and the other wing being the Grace of her self-effort): when her bhakti and vigilance in her practices is strong, she’s able to fly straight; but when her bhakti and vigilance wanes, her wing of the bird contracts and she ends up flying aimlessly around in circles.

The Source of Misery

Kedarji also reminded us that “I” and “mine” are the source of our misery, that attachment springs from identification with the body, mind and senses. We project that there is an outer world through the power of superimposition, believing ourselves to be separate from God and separate from others. These superimpositions are based on our mental conditioning, our karmas.

In this way, by our own thoughts, we create our own heaven and hell. The solution, he says, is to unite our mind with the Lord of the Universe. Having an entire week filled with meditation, chanting, contemplations, and Satsang, allowed attendees to do just that.

The Miracle Intensive

Our weeklong retreat concluded with our Miracle Intensive in honor of Shri Bhagawan Nityananda of Ganeshpuri, the modern-day Master of our Lineage. The Miracle Intensive is always ripe with the Shakti, and everyone from newcomers to devotees and disciples could feel it.

Attendees shared many wonderful experiences of receiving Kedarji’s Shaktipat Blessing. One shared how he felt an incredible sense of happiness, a Shiva-Bliss that no unhappiness could penetrate. Another shared that she felt such a loving and caring touch from Kedarji as he bestowed Shaktipat on her, feeling joyous and grateful as the Shakti moved throughout her body.

Others shared experiences of the no-mind state, feeling empty of thoughts and the sense of relaxing into the Guru’s hands, while another shared that it was the quietest her mind had been all week, and that she was inwardly reminded to stay one-pointed and focused on her Sadhana, no matter what was going on around her.

The Light of the Divine

Another attendee shared feeling a swirling electricity in her crown chakra, with visions of Bhagawan Nityananda and Kedarji inside, reminding her of the importance of practicing humility and equality consciousness, seeing everyone as God.

Another felt the Shakti moving through her body as she saw light moving along her spine, feeling calm and peaceful and that Kedarji’s Divine Love is supporting her.

And another shared the experience of seeing a white flame and a star as a crown on her head. She felt her heart tugging towards this Crown of Light as Shiva appeared to her inside and took his finger and touched her chest in the same spot that Kedarji had as she says she became that very Light.

A Deep Realization

For myself, this Grace-bestowing Power of God transmitted through Kedarji’s Shaktipat Blessing gave me a deep and profound realization, a realization that I am not my past actions and deeds. I have punished myself for years for my perceived shortcomings and past actions, believing myself to be unfit and unworthy of God’s Love, of my Guru’s Love.

With the brush of Kedarji’s peacock feathers during his Shaktipat Blessing, I realized and understood that I am not my past actions, thoughts, or tendencies, that those are just my karmas and past leanings and tendencies, but that I am so much greater and that I can let those false notions go and surrender them at my Guru’s feet.

Heart as Wide as the World

With this understanding and awareness, my heart burst open and all I could think was “heart as wide as the world.” I began to cry in pure Joy and ecstasy as Love and release flooded over me as I shed those false coverings. I know that I am greater than any misdeed I may have done in the past. Those things are not who I am. I AM THAT. Everything is a Reflection of the Self, and I AM that Self – with a heart as wide as the world.

Om Guru Om!

Shanti Harkness volunteers as the Secretary of The Bhakta School of Transformation. She sits on our Board of Directors and also volunteers as a certified staff teacher and program leader for Nityananda Shaktipat Yoga. She works in the marketing field.