The Drift

The Drift
by Jagadamba Porter

Sat Chit Ananda Guruy Ki Jay

Sadguru Kedarji teaches us that following our spiritual path requires bhakti, devotion, longing, reverence, surrender, and discipline. Discipline demands commitment, similar to following a rule or policy.

The Drift

In my graduate courses, I studied policy, and one concept I found very useful was called ‘policy drift.’ At the organizational level, policy drift occurs over time when people within the organization follow the policy but then take shortcuts or make changes to it to fit their needs. If there is no enforcement to keep them on track, the policy drifts. The same thing happens at the individual level, for example, New Year’s resolutions.

I was painfully reminded of policy drift at the individual level in March of this year when I discovered a piece of paper tucked into the back of my Guru Gita commentary booklet by Kedarji. Even though I’ve used the booklet three times a day for years, I hadn’t noticed the paper. The paper was dated 2018, eight years earlier. It’s a list of instructions Kedarji gave me to follow, and I was supposed to follow them “to the letter.” By that, Kedarji meant no deviations, no shortcuts, no substitutions, and no tweaks. In other words, he required strict adherence to his instructions. Monitoring and ensuring compliance is my responsibility. It is my duty as a disciple.

As I read through the list, a growing sense of dismay took hold. I barely recognized the instructions, realizing I must have read them in 2018 and believed I had committed them to memory. For example, Kedarji instructed me to repeat the mantra, Om Guru Om, inwardly three times before reading two verses of the Guru Gita. Over the years, my practice had become a rushed, inward repetition, done while I grabbed my Guru Gita book, looked for verses to read, or fussed with my meditation shawl. My attention was split; it was far from being one-pointed enough to truly lose myself in the mantra, as Kedarji had instructed. I remembered my early experience repeating the mantra: I loved doing it and marveled at how it shifted my attention and energy, opening me to a deeper meditation. And that was just one example; there were others. Yet, I had strayed and drifted. I wanted to understand why. What understandings did I hold that prevented me from surrendering to Kedarji’s instructions?

It’s the Experience

I began to contemplate. I observed that over time, my ingrained tendencies have been to be impatient and to think that once I understand something, that is sufficient. For example, my middle school health education textbook described what happens during adolescence. I got the picture. It did not sound fun, so I skipped over my adolescent individuation process, which delighted my mother. However, it caught up with me in my late 20s after I was married with two children. It was quite awkward. Understanding is important, but it is the experience that makes the difference, such as the experience of repeating my mantra one-pointedly three times before meditating. In verse 14 of The Chida Kasha Gita Bhagawan, Nityananda of Ganeshpuri states: “The sunlight is reflected in the salt water of the sea. It is also reflected in the clear water of a tank at the top of a hill. It is not enough if we see with the eye, but we should experience it.” And in Kedarji’s Commentary that follows, he explains, “Even though sunlight is reflected in water and other surfaces, to experience the sun directly, we need to sit in the sunlight. We can’t get a tan by staring at the reflection of the sun. In the same way, it is not enough to have the intellectual understanding that God exists in His reflection as the various forms of this world. If we want God, we have to experience Him directly by going to His source, Spanda Shakti, inside our very own being.” Because that was the point of Kedarji’s instruction, I continued contemplating how I had managed to drift from Kedarji’s instructions.

Holding the understanding that the mind is the child of God, and that the mind dictates emotions, and emotions dictate how one vibrates and what or who is attracted into one’s life, I started to trace the thoughts I was holding that derailed my commitment to follow my Guru’s every instruction to the letter. This was about my commitment to keep both feet in the Guru’s house. Was I looking for an exit? A way out, just in case? I was raised listening to my parents’ scorn those who were devout, radical, or fundamentalist. It was much better to be moderate and flexible (except for their instructions, of course). Therefore, somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that following Kedarji’s instructions ‘to the letter’ was leading me down the path of being a fundamentalist (heaven forbid and gullible – even worse). So, I began to cherry-pick Kedarji’s instructions and to deny to myself that I was cherry-picking. The result of my policy drift, my drift from surrendering to Kedarji’s instructions to the letter, into surrendering to my ego, was a series of kriyas.

Doership to Letting Go

Over the holidays, I got caught up in family drama. I let it take over my attention. I reached for control while inwardly seeking Kedarji’s help. Could I trust that my prayers would work? Clearly not. I was covering my bases. Then, on January 1^st, I listened to Kedarji’s New Year’s message, which was “Spread Love. You need the Grace of your love, and the world needs the Grace of your love, regardless of the situation.”

That was it! That was what I could do for my family’s drama. I could offer healing touch to several troubled family members (the ones I thought needed it most). In healing touch, as in our spiritual practice, it is important not to be attached to the outcome. It is important to remember that in offering healing touch, one is merely a conduit for Divine Grace to flow where it is needed. The two individuals were eager to receive, so I scheduled times for them every week. Their situation is slowly turning around. What Grace!

How Taxing

Then, tax season arrived along with my next kriyas. As I started gathering my expenses and income, I thought, “This is strange. Where have I been recording my income from a foreign country? Have I been reporting it for the past 20 years?” I looked at my previous returns, and they didn’t add up. How could I have missed that? Should I ignore this? I am only working for two more months. Can I live with myself if I ignore this mess?” I had just watched a Netflix show about a teenage girl attending an elite high school where students were ranked by family income and inheritance. She had lied about her family and found she could not live with herself, so she boldly announced that she was —a scholarship student—the lowest in the hierarchy. It was a clear message for me. I knew I could not live with that lie. What Grace. I confessed to my family what I thought I had done. Their response was, “That’s not like you, mom… are you sure?” I took three deep breaths and inwardly asked Kedarji what I should do. His response was, “Add it up again, double-check your figures.” As I gazed out at the ocean in the distance, I realized I had not added correctly. I had been paying taxes properly for the past 20 years. I took some more deep breaths and inwardly thanked Kedarji. I was reminded of the story Kedarji told us from the Uddhava Gita, where Krishna recounts a lesson about an enlightened sage known as Dattatreya, who said he learned wisdom from 24 gurus found in nature and everyday life. Each guru reveals something that dissolves ego and attachment. Krishna tells this story to Uddhava to illustrate how a person can transcend ego by observing the world deeply. For example, the ocean guru teaches one to maintain inner steadiness despite outer disturbances. If I had been following Kedarji’s every command, my mind would not have been restless, and I would have been inspired from within to check my arithmetic and not have had the kriya. This was the Guru’s mirror.

Buddha at the Gas Pump?

I was at the gas pump filling my tank. I wasn’t paying close attention to the pump. Instead, I stood there pondering what would happen to the Iranian nurses who were doing impressive research, and thinking about the people who were displaced, injured, or killed, as well as the destruction of ancient artwork and architecture, not to mention the price of oil. Suddenly, I heard a fizzing, gurgling sound, then a whoosh as gasoline shot out of my tank and all over my new jeans and shoes. The shut-off valve had failed. If I had been paying attention to the pump and listening to my inner voice, I would have stopped pumping. But my mind was restless, and my ego was engaged, so I ignored the warning sounds.

The spiritual path requires commitment and vigilance. When I surrender to Kedarji’s every instruction to the letter, the opposite of what I feared happens. I do not become imprisoned; instead, my insight and intuition increase. I experience Joy. The mirror of the Guru is ever present: stay one-pointed, follow the Guru’s every command and instruction. Spread love. The goal is joy, happiness, contentment – liberation. The ego must be dissolved for permanent spiritual transformation and Liberation, and this can happen only with an enlightened spiritual leader, one who is spiritually liberated, such as Kedarji. Therefore, I must be disciplined and follow Kedarji’s every instruction to the letter.

Jagadamba Porter, PhD MS MPH RN CHTP/I is a certified healing touch instructor, teaching in Hawaii and Japan. She has over 15 years of Healing Touch practice and 30 years of practice as a psychiatric mental health nurse and clinical specialist with a holistic perspective. She is the co-author of the book, “Women’s Health and Human Wholeness”, emphasizing the necessity of bringing wholeness back into the health care system. She also serves on the Board of Directors for our school