Worth Great Respect and Love

Worth Great Respect and Love
by Shanti Harkness

Sat Chit Ananda Guru Ki Jay.

As this year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting back on the greatest realization I had this year. As Kedarji and countless other Saints in our great lineage of Self-realized Love Beings say: “The Guru’s Grace is always working on you, whether you are aware of it or not.”

The Compassion of Grace

I attended our August week-long retreat with the intention of redoubling my effort in Sadhana and getting back to vigilance in my spiritual practices, something that had been lacking (or outright missing) for many years.

During one of my meditations, I wondered why, after all of this time of me being stubborn and obstinate in Sadhana and neglecting so many of my practices, why my Guru hadn’t abandoned me and told me I’m just a lost cause and not worthy of his time or Grace. Then I thought, if it was me, I would have abandoned myself a long time ago! I never saw myself as worthy of Grace, Love, or Compassion… three Divine traits that my Guru embodies fully.

At that point in my meditation, I inwardly saw Kedarji holding my hand and walking me away from my struggles and challenges, walking me away from those false notions and beliefs of unworthiness. He reminded me that those things are not who I am, that they’re just karmic habits and tendencies that I can (and must) let go of.

Heart as Wide as the World

During this Shaktipat Blessing retreat, I not only had the intellectual understanding that I am not my actions, but I had the direct awareness and knowledge from Kedarji that those things are just my karmas, but that they are NOT who I am. I understood what it meant when Kedarji would say “You are so much greater than you think you are.” I can finally let those things go so that they no longer hold me down and hold me back. With this understanding and awareness, my heart burst open and all I could think was “heart as wide as the world.” It was an incredibly eye-opening awareness, and one that I’m sure I never would have had if it weren’t for my Guru’s Grace and Love, along with my self-effort at re-igniting the fire of my bhakti (devotion) and spiritual practices again.

Distraction and Contraction

As is often the case with devotees and disciples, we need reminding of these Highest Understandings and practices because we forget and become easily distracted again by worldliness – I know I definitely do. In many ways, technology has made our lives easier – a world of information and accessibility right at our fingertips… but that convenience comes at a price as well – like increased stress and distraction at always being “connected,” doom-scrolling at night when I should be sleeping, and negatively impacting direct, person-to-person communication. For me, one of my greatest “inconveniences” of technology is my phone’s autocorrect. Yes… autocorrect.

I will often send Bhakta School emails from my cell phone. From the very beginning of my Sadhana, I became accustomed to signing my emails with the closing of “With Great Respect and Love, Shanti”. However, my phone almost always autocorrects the word “With” for “Worth”… so instead of saying “With Great Respect and Love, Shanti”, my phone is autocorrecting it to “Worth Great Respect and Love, Shanti”. This means that I have to go back and manually correct it… Every. Single. Time. Especially when sending or responding to more than one email at a time, I found myself getting annoyed that it was constantly changing this one word and it was driving me crazy!

There are No Accidents

One day, after finishing my meditation, I had to send an email and autocorrect once again changed the word “With” to “Worth”. And then all of a sudden it hit me – this was no accident! This was a reminder to me, over and over and over again, that I kept missing! This was a reminder to me that I am WORTH great respect and love, something I have a habit of forgetting.

This autocorrect experience is an example of the time-honored wisdom that Kedarji shares with us about how every energy flow, every interaction and utterance, has two aspects – God’s two aspects: the immanent (the mundane world of forms) and the transcendental (the formless Absolute/God). I am reminded of Kedarji’s instruction to not just keep my awareness on the immanent, but to look at the transcendental aspect with an expanded Witnessing Awareness. This is done in order to observe what message is there to make me stronger in my Sadhana. Kedarji says that if we just stay on the surface (the immanent aspect), the Shakti will bind me and keep me contracted.

This is exactly what was happening. Every time I would see the autocorrect, my mental state would contract and I’d feel feelings of frustration and annoyance because that wasn’t what I was typing and I was having to go back and make corrections. Because I had not been engaging in my daily spiritual practices as instructed for quite some time, my spiritual Witnessing Awareness was sorely lacking and I couldn’t see what was actually taking place.

Expanding Awareness

When I began performing my daily spiritual practices again, my Witnessing Awareness began to expand and I had a breakthrough in my awareness – that it wasn’t a matter of frustration or annoyance – it was an alert, a notification each time I sent an email; a reminder that I am so much greater than I think I am. I am not this body, mind, senses, experiences, or past actions – I am THAT. I am the Self. And the Self is WORTH great respect and Love!

This was a consistent reminder to me, over and over, that I wasn’t able to see because I was only staying on the surface of the matter (the immanent aspect). By engaging in my daily spiritual practices and following Kedarji’s instructions for my Sadhana, I was able to go Higher, to see what was actually taking place– an awareness I would have continued to miss and be contracted by if it weren’t for my Guru’s Grace and my self-effort at following his instructions and performing my Sadhana as instructed.

Worth Great Respect and Love

As we prepare to step into the New Year, it seems so fitting to me that, after 42 years of never feeling worthy or good enough, that I am finally understanding AND having the direct experience that I am WORTH great respect and Love – because I am the Self – and you are also.

So, WORTH great respect and Love, thank you for allowing me to share this revelation with you as we let go of the current year and ring in the new year together. May it be filled with Grace, revelations, respect, Love, and the indescribable Joy and Bliss of the Self!

Om Guru Om!

Shanti Harkness volunteers as the Secretary of The Bhakta School of Transformation. She sits on our Board of Directors and also volunteers as a certified staff teacher and program leader for Nityananda Shaktipat Yoga. She works in the marketing field.