Shaktipat: The Aftermath

Shaktipat: The Aftermath
by Jagadamba Porter

Sat Chit Ananda Guruy Ki Jay

Kedarji reminds us that the purpose of a human birth is to retrace our steps back to God. Kedarji says the easiest means is through the Shaktipat initiation process. God is revealed through Shaktipat. Even if it is a fleeting moment of insight or a brief experience of bliss, it offers a glimpse of the Divine and provides the experience of unconditional love. The ego dissolves, allowing love to pour in. This Blissful state may last for a moment or several days after receiving Shaktipat. The purpose of our human birth is to retrace our steps back to God, so that we can experience this state of Bliss permanently.  By the Grace of God, I have received numerous Shaktipat Blessings.

The Aftermath

My experience during the last intensive I attended seemed peaceful, like previous intensives; however, what happened during the weeks that followed was markedly different. I began having kriyas of hot flashes during meditation. I noticed that the space within my head felt different; it felt more spacious, as if something had been removed. I continued to have physical kriyas, movements, when I meditated. It felt as though a block in my head was gone. I asked Kedarji inwardly if a block had been removed and felt I received an affirmative answer.

Contracting after Shaktipat

Shortly after that, I began to stray from my spiritual practices by reducing my walking time while repeating my mantra. I would often miss my morning or afternoon meditations. My joyful moments in nature disappeared. I started feeling irritable. It took several weeks for me to realize my state of contraction. Addressing the root cause of becoming so contracted after receiving such a Grace-filled Shaktipat blessing is the focus of this blog.

Why did I resist the Grace raining down on me and become contracted? That contraction occurred when I forgot that there is nothing but Divine Consciousness, and that I, too, am Divine Consciousness. As soon as I lost sight of that I started to feel that I was the doer, that I was the one making something happen, or that I owned something, or that I was different from someone else. The moment that happened, I contracted. I lost heart. I lost my access to Divine inspiration. Ease and inspiration disappeared.  Life became full of effort.

My Threatened Ego

Kedarji explains that during Shaktipat, the ego usually dissolves for a period of time. The ego feels threatened when it experiences the sensation of dissolving or disappearing. The ego’s main role is to ensure survival at all costs. When the ego feels threatened, it defends itself by resisting the threat. The ego resists anything that it perceives to be a danger. This is why performing Sadhana after the receipt of Shaktipat is essential.

What is Resistance?

The Oxford dictionary defines resistance as “the refusal to accept or comply with something, or the attempt to prevent something by action or argument. It includes opposition to, hostility to, aversion to, refusal to accept, unwillingness to accept, disinclination to accept, reluctance to accept, or lack of enthusiasm for something.”

Making spiritual progress includes this struggle with the resistance of an ego that is unwilling to dissolve. The ego will not go away on its own. It is wired for survival. Part of its function is to assure survival at the mundane level. When the ego is threatened, it defends itself by resisting the threat through fighting, fleeing, or freezing. Especially freezing if it feels its ‘life’ is going to be snuffed out. Freezing feels like apathy or procrastination. The faces of procrastination as resistance include, among other things, perfectionism, dreaming or daydreaming, feeling overwhelmed, rebelling, and creating a crisis.

What is the Ego?

Kedarji teaches that the ego is a contraction of Consciousness. It is an energy, and it embodies all the barriers to experiencing the Divine.

In his book Self-Realization, Swami Lakshman Joo refers to the limited ego as the “small self.” He says, “This ego causes you to think, ‘This is mine, this is not mine.’” Not only does the ego make distinctions, but it also claims ownership and doership.

In the Mystery of the Mind, Swami Muktananda explains, “When the mind takes on or has the feeling of ‘I’ ness, it is called the ego (ahamkara).  This is the state of saying I am this or that.” I am a mother, a teacher, or a husband. But these are only roles we play in our mundane lives. We take them seriously and forget our true nature as Divine. When I latch onto my ego as my sense of identity, I become attached to the mundane expressions of being human, such as wife, nurse, mother, etc. I may feel I am a person – I am born, I live, and I will die…end of story. I may go to a therapist who helps me adjust to these various roles. I may need assistance in setting better boundaries, accepting my personality, or learning how to identify and express my emotions verbally in a way that is least offensive. However, dissolving the ego is not a do-it-yourself project, nor is it something a therapist can do for me.

I Am Not My Ego

When I understand that I am the Self, the Divine, my ego feels threatened. I had allowed my ego to define my identity until I realized I was experiencing an identity crisis. Shifting identities from my notion that I am just a person, just the mind, body and senses, to the Self is not just a cognitive process. I can’t simply think my way into an identity as Divine. It isn’t a mind game. It is an experience. It requires me to be willing to surrender my ego, and it requires the Grace of a Shaktipat Guru.

Hang On or Let Go

I recall in my early 20s going tubing on the Rogue River in Oregon and getting dumped into the swiftly flowing water. I managed to cling to a rock in the middle of the river, while my friends swam to shore. They started yelling at me to swim across. I was shocked to realize I was clinging to the rock, waiting for the water to slow down, so I could swim across with ease.  I realized that I had to let go; that was my only option. Hanging on is a form of freezing during stress. It appears as denial and is an act of concealing the Divine.

Do it Now, Don’t Wait

I also recall realizing that I was going to wait until the last possible moment to completely surrender my ego to my Sadguru, much like cramming for an exam. There are multiple reasons why that would be a big mistake. Waiting won’t work. Spiritual attainment must be tested and verified by a Sadguru. Next, it takes time to become worthy of the Guru’s Grace. Realizing the Self, the Divine within unfolds over time. Last-ditch efforts are not enough. Kedarji also points out that death is always at our backs. We never know when our time on Earth is over. Kedarji echoes the instruction of his Guru, Swami Muktananda: “Do it now, don’t wait.” We should not focus on the final dawning of Liberation. Instead, we need to focus on experiencing the blissful Joy of the Self moment to moment each day. In fact, as a yogi, it is my duty to seek this Joy moment to moment. As I do that, those Joyful moments increase over time.

The Disconnect

After my recent Shaktipat Intensive, it began to dawn on me how contracted I had been. I wasn’t having moments of joy. I experienced no delight. I worried I was depressed, but I took no action to correct my state. I distracted myself by playing spelling games, reading novels, and watching Netflix series. My ego craved safety and security. Through this craving, I caved in to this concealment of my Divine nature. I had forgotten my connection to the Divine Source. I felt stuck, immobile. By my Guru’s Grace and because I continued to meditate and chant, even a little, I felt the stirrings of longing and reverence for my Guru.

Reaching for my Sadguru

Because of that dawning awareness, I began an inner dialogue with Kedarji. It started with, ‘Help Kedarji, I’m stuck!’ By this act of recognition and seeking my Guru, I slowly began to emerge from the contracted state. Kedarji has given specific instructions on how to become ‘unstuck.’  As I began to follow Kedarji’s instruction, I was initially half-hearted in my attempts. Yet, I continued, and as I did, my practice became more focused, and I felt my heart opening. By Grace, I was able to increase my Bhakti, my love of the practices, and I began to spiral upward, becoming less contracted as opposed to continuing my downward spiral.

Surrendering to Grace

My ego is like clinging to that rock, waiting for the water to slow down. The more spiritual progress I make, particularly through the Shaktipat initiation, the more my ego feels threatened, setting up walls of resistance. Muktananda said in The Perfect Relationship, “The ego is a wall between oneself and God.” Nothing is going to slow down so that I can surrender my ego. However, through my self-effort and the Guru’s Grace, my ego can be dissolved. Kedarji echoes his own Sadguru Muktananda when he teaches that it is always raining Grace, but we put up our umbrellas and the Grace does not come in. That umbrella is, of course, our resistance emanating from a threatened ego. Closing the umbrella is the act of surrender, lowering the resistance, the barrier, so Grace can enter.

Rumi tells us: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you’ve built against it.”

In other words, Love is our inner state of being. Love is the Self, the Divine. Love can be concealed by barriers, namely ego expressions such as pride, arrogance, envy, jealousy, greed, anger, condescension, superiority, humiliation, shame, guilt, fear, criticism, complaints, comparisons, and feelings of unworthiness. We are responsible for those ego expressions; no one else is responsible. In Sadhana, it is our responsibility to identify the barriers and have the willingness to let them go.

During the Shaktipat Blessing, I experienced the dissolution of the ego and the Bliss of the Divine. The ego did not dissolve on its own; it required not only my effort, staying present, focusing on the mantra, and intending to be receptive, but it also required the Grace of the Shaktipat Guru. Afterwards, my ego may resist. I may become contracted. Surrendering to Kedarji and his instruction and commands is the lifeline out of contraction. Swami Muktananda says, “God will surrender Himself to us exactly as we surrender to Him and in the same degree. Learn total surrender.”

Jagadamba Porter, PhD MS MPH RN CHTP/I is a certified healing touch instructor, teaching in Hawaii and Japan. She has over 15 years of Healing Touch practice and 30 years of practice as a psychiatric mental health nurse and clinical specialist with a holistic perspective. She is the co-author of the book, “Women’s Health and Human Wholeness”, emphasizing the necessity of bringing wholeness back into the health care system. She also serves on the Board of Directors for our school